Profiling the Glitch Users

Note: Consider this like an in universe expansion for glitch users since I couldn’t get the other page to work without breaking.

***** has entered ***** has entered

Hello? Is this thing on?

Testing, testing... howdy!

Rumor Hunter ---here, we’re doing a recording/powerpoint thing for ———-.

idiot! We're gonna have to edit out your name for the sake of not making us all walking targets to any other entity.

Oh, yeah, good point.

So last time, somewhere in between the borders of fiction and reality, the destroyed worlds made by errors layered up into their own world known colloquially known as the Glitch World, for better or worse. Maybe sometimes called the void. I dunno. Denizens of the world tend to be defined as glitches, but they’re also a sub class of a thing known as a Rumor, which are kind of like… slightly harder to explain? Whatever. Anyways, glitch guys tend to have glitch powers due to being basically irregular abnormalities on the universe as a whole. Something that isn’t supposed to exist wouldn’t be very normal, right? They did something they weren't supposed to.

Does that add up? I got the explanation from another source and they told me to write it on a card. Which I did!

We're doing something different today and instead of making a document on the glitch users, we've decided we're gonna try describing every single one of their pokemon teams!

No point in that. You know I work for the people trying to like, handle your little friend group, right?

Uh, are they really my friend group? I kind of consider them more as like, freeloaders that happen to live in the same vicinity and town as me...

I literally saw you last week on Hoenn’s cycling road with the teleporting guy.

Erm, Lucas is a very good friend of another friend of mine's cousin....

… moving on.

Below is the current profile we've made on the glitch users and their pokemon currently in stock. Of course, you know that they naturally repel pokemon and people away from them, so I'm kind of surprised some of them even have those types of pokemon... Especially that Ketsuban boy.

I'm going to be honest, I don't know what half that stuff even means!

I'd say that the most dangerous one in the entire group would be Ketsuban if he wasn't... like that.

A child?

I was going to say inattentive, but a child works too.

Abandon's nothing like that, right? Isn’t he also Red? That’s weird to think about. It’s kind of like comic books, the multiverse or something! I hope it doesn’t get as complex as that.

Right, but abandon is ALSO from a video game, so there's something particularly weird with that one. I mean, no one else blatantly displays that many traits of their respective glitch powers. Horns, wings... the uh, erratic movement. The general bad vibe. (...I forgot to use their code names...)

Gold does sometimes. So does Dawn. Like Gold’s got the unown thing going on, Dawn just gets terrifying and glows and gains the voice of judgement and I fear for my life. I don’t know why Ketsuban keeps trying to fight her because she just swats him like a bug. May doesn’t have traits but the fact she knows so much on demand is a bit weird too! I don’t get time loops though, how old is everyone then…?

Okay, so maybe there’s a few that like, happen to be a bit abnormal and off putting, but again, none like Ketsuban, right?

To be fair, it only makes sense…. He was experimented on by your group, remember?

Okay, so Ketsuban might be chaotic evil, but he’s a little polite, and only breaks things on impulse, so as long as he gets enough attention he won’t start making trouble on purpose. Wisteria’s just mean. The problem with everyone is that Ketsuban is the guy who flaunts his power the most. We don't know the rest as well.

True, true. The guy causing the most trouble is the copy…

It could be worse, at least he looks normal. Ketsuban’s so pale that people keep stopping us whenever we’re going anywhere and they keep trying to feed him. Which he eats, but then he makes ME foot the bill, even though Gold owes him money and like half of them can just make the mon—

Your life is full of the interpersonal drama of teens. Or whatever those guys are. Do they even age?

We might need to register YOU as something in our entity log.

What, why?

Because you’ve been hanging around these things for a long time period and you aren’t dead yet.

Oh yeah, good point.
Look, I think in life, the less questions you ask, the better off you are sometimes. It's worked so far, right?

I thought Rumors worked their best at disorienting people and making them fall into their vices when everything wasn’t known about them. You really do make my job actively harder than it already is.

***** has left the chat.

Ugh.

Meanwhile in a seperate group chat:

Note: I still feel like the craziest part of the teraleak to glitch lore is 1. the pokemon pantheon is actually real and 2. scrapped arceus lore had it fight against the collective fear of living born from it's eggshell and I'm sitting here like "WHAT". What do you mean.

Bonus: A close encounter

I’ll have you know I had an encounter with something that wasn’t a glitch today.

Do tell me more.

So remember that weird raggedy doll I found a few weeks ago?

Oh no.

Yeah, yeah, so I was playing through my kart racing game, and I saw the doll sit up.

Oh, I was totally psyched out! I kept looking in the corner of my eye and it kept rising up and down!

But I wanted to finish up my game first.

So when I finally did, you’ll never guess!

The doll was floating! So i threw it into my washing machine.

It stopped moving eventually, so I did a successful exorcism!

Please leave this chat. I think I've heard enough today.