Journal

Sometimes I forget that there's a whole BG divorce saga happening with one of my relatives except for the fact that they're living in the house with the rest of the family and eating food and like taking care of the lawn and stuff and I'm starting to think they're a permanent resident because there has been 0 development on that story aside from the supermodel baby which is insane to think about. Just this year i've dealt with wisdom teeth surgery, home renovations, the graduation party from hell, and this has been happening like some kind of sitcom background gag which it is because of how there's just two people in my family who are eccentric high middle class rich weirdoes where one has a big ass mansion and the other has a bunch of random ass nude paintings all over the house. The hell graduation party was especially funny because during prep one cousin was like "you sound like a deepfried online social media board forum user redditor tumblr type" and I was like "why do you know what they sound like" and neither of us wanted to follow up on it. I'm hoping to be less like that but I don't think it's working.

Being in my 20s and living at my home is a living hell. i happened to overhear a conversation from my residence and it’s like now they think oh “my lectures are crucifying and it’s my responsibility to be truthful every time and I don’t care how you feel” but it’s not like I get anything good compliment wise because the way I constantly get backslapped means I don’t believe you when you compliment me It’s not about accepting failure because the way you have it set up is that somehow I’m always hitting some kind of invisible footwire of failure even when I’m minding my own business I’m not the child they wanted to raise to be their perfect obidient 100% smart normal money maker and they spend every waking moment reminding me of it by saying that I have to be more normal and prepared for the real world but also locking me in the home majority of the day doing studying and studying ahead I never asked to go outside because the answer would’ve been no by default and I don’t ask for anything unless it’s extremely necessary because I know it’s not worth asking I’ve been called a people pleaser but I was taught to give up what I wanted to comply to what other people wanted and desired and now they’re resentful when I don’t want to make my own choices or voice my own opinion Why bother No one’s listening. some people shouldn’t have had children and I shouldn’t have had free will because obviously I’m doing it wrong I’m shamed for existing. Every single holiday has this dead air where I understand my other parent's need to be alone because nobody wants to be around each other when I have to tiptoe around every interaction and constantly be this emotional punching bag.

This smoked salmon at the house tastes like ham and I don't understand why. Things have quieted down a bit here on the site aside from a few minor pepper'd in stealth updates, and that's because I now have the very long task of meticiously looking through 13 binders/sketchbooks worth of drawings from 2016-2023 to evaluate and decide which of these gets to be "in" the website. Maybe my one OC person whose longrunning project was flattened by the pandemic, my inexplicable comic skills, completely bizzare expressions? "The pandemic didn't have an effect on people" vs "I started actively posting on twitter like just because it didn't have an effect on you doesn't mean it didn't cause other people to do stupid stuff" and I can tell there was a visible effect because of the way I start ranting like a madman on multiple pages with absolutely awful handwriting and how I notably kept getting more weird until I got sucked into the FF14 hole.

By definition I’m completely and utterly trained “head empty no thoughts no independence” where the moment I’m not told explicitly what to do I just default to doing nothing because the minute I want to do something then I’m needed to do 20 billion different things I sincerely hope having a job isn’t the exact same way otherwise I’m going to start screaming. I’m signing up for all sorts of events and alumni websites because if I do anything that’s not job hunting related in the slightest oh, I get in trouble for that too, huh.

I should probably LINK everything properly first if I'm being honest, but I still need to work on properly cleaning up the findings page and it looks like a mess, the cohost link transfer screwed everything up HTML wise but thankfully never underestimate my lazy ass logging back in so I can extract the links faster or I could just steal the code too, it's my tumblr blog lmao

Listened to: Japanese jazz/fusion self-titled album by Sunburst (サンバースト), released in 1980. Sacbé - Sacbé (1977) Nobonoko- Music for Animal Cafes Skil-Morning Coffee (Retrowave/City Pop) I'm only listing the full albums I randomly get from youtube.

Media: The person who’s paying for the stuff is cutting out Hulu and paramount + because that crap’s pricy so it’s back to the seven seas for me. Understandable they really did just recreate cable. I don’t even know what I watched on either of those outside of JJK and Sandland. What did i even do in June I snuck in episodes of jjba s2 and finished it Not much else. I was made for the 13 to 26 episode show format... I should go back to my gurren watching. I dropped it because netflix REMOVED it while I was watching it.

FGO no summons aside from summon tickets and FP has been going slow because I'm doing that thing where I hoard summon tickets before summoning because by the time I finish there's not gonna be enough time to summon on a summer banner so I've been using the story banner which was a godawful idea. I'm probably gonna get some random 5 star card instead of a unit. Remember when Dragalia lost had the cards/prints in the summon pool instead of just units? That sucked. Unfortunately it happened to come at the same time as 7th anniversary archetype earth/so I may have used a single pull for her which immediately broke my self imposed rule. I didn’t get her. I may summon… once. I got Martha which I think is the game telling me to go find the lord but I’ve also lost that ability too after years of being raised in a house where religion was used to justify everything I don’t believe in that either which is really funny because someone close to me is basically a church nun but also facing like the dilemma of 5 guys pining after them at the same time. Quite frankly I wouldn’t be in that situation.

I’ve also gotten sucked back into my Light novel Isekai villaness death flag promotional manga student magic merchant trading that get canned within 3 volumes hell. The types that are like 3 sentences long in the title. Basically it’s a trite oversaturated market where you read one and essentially read all of them because they take advantage of meta foreknowledge to make alliances and change the plot. Most of them are based on VNs or novels or dating sims. Or you end up reincarnated as the saint… for every RPG party Isekai smart magician banished from party revenge fantasy glazing/gassing up/ overhyping there is a villaness Isekai banished to countryside story that has the exact same setup. Anyways I just read one where the villaness wasn’t isekai’d and she just punched the crap out of people. It’s basically the manga equivalent of junk food where you turn off your brain. the frankenstein of slop is definitely something I'm eventually going to hit where it's someone combing through all the popular ideas to make the big one and i feel like I almost got that with the anthology because that one just hits 1 to 1 nearly every trope of them all condensed into an almost parody format but it was 100% legitimate. one thing I haven't gotten into yet are long strips because I don't like that they're phone centric which makes them tedious to use on a laptop.

Tomodachi Life threw a goddamn curveball because one of my non pokemon protagonist OCs got a boyfriend. It’s one of the Reds on the island. I feel like having multiple copies of the same character would be dumb but it’s still proving to be fun because all of them have different friend groups still. I honestly thought the OC was going to reject him because the other friend she has is a guy who she still hangs out with but no one showed up so I guess that’s a thing now. I just saw Leaf try to set up Gold and Miku to date. The 3DS wiped the save but the replacement pokemon island is full of equally as weird stuff in comparison to the old OCs.

I'm thinking of going back to playing earthbound sometime this month in between other stuff in this irony filled era the original advertisements of earthbound saying "this game stinks" would make it sell

Watching speedrun summary videos and there’s something incredible about speedrunner names being taken completely seriously so I’ll be listening to the story of fartlord only to be floored by the cowboy world record holder reveal

Naruto filler in part 1 is actively brain numbing to me which is good for the job hunting junk but when I watched bleach and immediately hit the bount arc it was like a psychic shield hit me in the face that made me say “this is a filler arc” where I immediately bounced because Netflix didn’t have the rest of the seasons Anyways the one podcast I somewhat semi watch that has watched bleach were actively attacked by Jin Kariya’s vibes so I understand that I made a good choice so I’m skipping that if I ever get back to bleach. Naruto’s fine because I understand that naruto needs to fight random ass ninjas. And there’s some decent ideas like Hinata’s bug attack but I guess that’s not canon. lmao he farted sometimes you can find great things from things that were absolutely disregarded and discarded. Trying to keep this canon relevant is hilarious because Rock Lee will be like “this random ass guy burying people alve might be connected to Itachi which means Sasuke” like Naruto didn’t spend multiple episodes chasing a bug. I miss land of waves, that was probably my favorite early arc.

It’s a lot better in general to watch all sorts of different things in order to better understand your tastes and further develop your world and knowledge instead of pidgeonholing yourself into one thing. If you don’t like a thing, try to understand why, and then try to understand the creators intent as to why they put it there. This will help you grow your own opinion. Or you could just be me and say “that sucks” and watch other things (that was sarcasm.)

watching/playing things from other places that weren't made in mind with certain values and cultures and then getting mad when they don't reflect a specific value and culture is a common internet phenomena. especially if it's an older product like goddamn, the amount of people who get mad at something that's heavily outdated is almost circular because sometimes the arguments they have are the same ones that have been going since the fandom started which is nuts. i think there's something to be said about how most social media is basically in a bubble where the most popular opinion is the loudest one and if you have a dissent for it then you have the wrong opinion and it's bad. Unfortunately nowadays the kind of opinion where I say "hey this wasn't made specifically for this exact time period where things are clearly different from what was the norm at the time" is lumped in with the same types of freaky weirdos who call people "tourists" which is really something I do not want to be associated with.

what even is a media literacy check anymore. do we even have symbolism? great gatsby's green light could just be a green light. those curtains were just blue, you know? death to the author and all that. Are we putting too much stock into media products? No, no, you just need to sell more. It's all so tiresome. this isn't even about anything in particular, I just had this thought. Being an observer makes me tired. I don't even want to know what it would be like to actively participate in internet fights. Gotta lot of free time to do something like that when I can't even muster up the motivation to do things I actually want to do.

I want to watch evangelion. you know how I've been watching naruto and fundamentally understanding like every single piece of interent culture and various memes like it's become a cultural rosetta stone for me the way that DBZ is like globally well it's like that but for the subset of memes that are like "my bitch wife who wants to watch orange but I want to watch blue" there are many subsets of things that end up buried under years of culture and discourse and in order for you to watch anything you have to throw out the preconceived notions of what has been dictated by the public from what little i understand, this is a show that will inherently make you uncomfortable if you place yourself into the shoes of the characters and i've noted that the more a media is inherently about the uncomfortable things of humanity and things that make people absolutely horrified are the ones that also the ones that get some of the funniest memes because people want to distract themselves from the existentialism and then it also gets doused in like 15 layers of deep fried irony. that being said

"shinji crank that soulja boy."

June Journal

I can’t keep up with weekly releases due to my IRL schedule and it doesn’t help every time I watched dungeon Meshi I just got incredibly hungry because I was the type to skip breakfast and the show was like “look at all this incredible food they’re eating!” Don’t skip eating while watching dungeon Meshi. I need to watch only a few episodes like a slow burn. Working on season 1 a few episodes at a time. The story is about a DND party and a guy who really wants to eat monsters for energy so he can traverse the dungeon so they can save his sister who was eaten by a dragon. He’s joined by a thief halfling, an elf girl who reasonably does not want to eat random ass monsters, and Senshi. They kind of initally hated laios's ass and he has serious foot in mouth syndrome where everyone goes "this guy has a weird thing about monsters and we don't know what it is". Senshi is like the mentor to Laios’s raw unbridled fixation onto the monsters but he's also as bad behavoir wise because why did he let himself be a hostage to make bread. Unfortunately I have no cooking skills whatsoever and have become a lethal chef in part due to the college experience making me make unhinged meals. Zero domestic skills whatsoever.

Also watched and completed the battle tendency arc of Jojo. You don't truly think about how weird the show is because everyone speaks and behaves in a weird way and It's kind of like madlibs because I never know what is going to happen next. I witnessed a crazy horse race and the next episode had the robot cyborg ww2 german supersoldier show up and then the 50 year old that looked like a 30 year old was actually Jojo's mom because the scissor vampire who rescued the dog from a car crash used her as a hostage. I enjoyed watching it but i think i liked part 1 more because of dio being a weirdo. I just saw a guy turn a murder squirrel into a flower into a butterfly and he was the ultimate lifeform. Like shadow.

Then came season 1 of Korra which I thought was okay, nothing too crazy to write about aside from asami, I like her. The love triangle thing is goofy though. Then I got onto season 2 and like did the budget increase or did they get new animators because every spirit fight has felt incredibly stylistically different. Korra’s narrator guy being a radio type is pretty interesting…. But the tournament stuff is kinda dumb. Why is the avatar a pro sports bender or something. She should be adventuring in the city. Obviously different from my tweets because I was like “she should be like the equivalent of hearing that Goku has joined your random ass tournament”

People online will attempt to tell you that naruto was about subtle ninjas and hard work and talent and what not and they are wrong. Naruto is about a guy who likes ramen. It’s reductive, but people are too busy looking at a single character (Rock Lee) and deciding that he’s the one that should be the main lead and trying really hard to bend the show around that.

It’s the same thing with MHA being like “can a quirk less person be a hero?” And the answer is no, but the premise is interesting enough to cause people to ask that instead. (I used to be insufferable about this show and be like “why are they publicizing teenagers with super powers fighting each other and making money off it” as if that’s not a basic shonen trope.) I could harp on about how I thought the show could’ve been more interesting if they went with the power vaccum thing caused by all for one and made up more villains like overhaul instead of going with the league of villains super revival but I honestly checked out once Midorya got like 7 quirks or something. They’re still all 1st years in the war arc BTW, it’s like the RWBY thing all over again. Obviously bakugo is the favorite but he reminded me too much of IRL people and Endavour sure is there, I guess. I should be more mad about him being a bad parent according to the fandom but he seems to be trying to mend the relationship he broke with his kids which is more I can say for my parents.

I hate the online landscape because everyone has 30 billion levels of brainrot including me and it’s only going to get horrifically worse the longer this AI shit goes on because source checking and bait identification are apparently skills that are not checked. Everyone’s gonna have so many back and shoulder problems in the future because of how the phone is dominating everything. I hate how much people are completely absorbed and reliant into the shorts and the ability to pay attention for more than a few minutes has been completely lost to me. Everyone alienates me solely because I'm the only person who outright refuses to be on tiktok, what's app, or facebook because I witnessed what it did to you! They lack in whimsy and childlike questioning of the world around them. The third public space no longer exists and being online always runs the chance of someone deciding to stomp on you. I was in a discord once and realized it was basically crab bucket mentality where we all said it was okay that we didn’t get anything done but we just complained about not working. Honestly I wasted my college years gaming. I should’ve gone to clubs. Being off tumblr and moving onto PF is like my equivalent of frolicking in a flower field and picking apples and looking at the sunset while also simultaneously moving onto twitter and expecting at any given moment some kind of rock is going to be lobbed in my direction. What I’m saying is I really wish Nitter instances weren’t dead.

The type of person I unfortunately have to be around is the type that makes me not want to ever have kids in fear that I might turn out like them where their purpose for having kids wasn’t to love them but to relentlessly harass them and badger them and treat them like toys and servants and constant emotional sponges and then get mad whenever anyone questions their authority and pretends they’re a saint who can do no wrong and just was born with rotten spoiled selfish children who are immature and need constant reprimanding because that was their mission from God. I think that just because you have a higher position of seniority doesn’t mean shit if you don’t respect anything especially when you say you’ll never respect any boundaries set up and constantly decide to override whatever anyone else is doing for what you want at that very moment. You’re going to be one of those people who makes workers lives hell to wherever you show up. They’re an entitled traditionalist with a stick up their ass where it's their way or no way, I’m the idiot who always has to be corrected, and the third person is the third person who I don't want to mention because it's not their fault they're stuck in this situation. There’s a cycle of hostility where I’m always stuck mediating for everyone but the moment I have emotional issues I’m hysterical. Honestly, if I really started saying what I thought of everyone then even the therapist I have would probably tell me to chill. I don’t like being in this living area, I don’t have a way to leave, and I don’t have anyone to talk to who’ll actually take my full position. I hate these stupid ass psychological questions where I always get the answer wrong and get blamed because of the inability to ever explain or answer a question properly It cannot be that hard to just SAY the details instead of being this vague man. Can't stand it.

June 26th I don't think anyone's really going to look through every single journal entry/log I have between my dead tumblr and living Pillowfort so I'mma condense a bit, okay? I'm still working up on cleaning up other pieces of the site like all the pokemon stuff. By internet I am stretching out that one GB for its life no matter what and it's driving me crazy knowing that pokemon reigon headcanon map is taking up a good percentage

I'll put it down to just like... goals that are still relevant.

If I really posted everything... the journal entries would be nothing but me in this constant mess of a relationship with a person who I can never get social cues with because they’re convinced they can do no wrong and every single time I say something that doesn’t align with their worldview I get chewed out, which isn’t fun, so I’m just gonna talk about the stuff I liked about the day. But honestly, I can't stand that person... Even complying doesn’t work 100% because even if I was a perfect obedient robot they’d still find some minor detail to freak out over. Sorry not everyone likes waking up at the asscrack of day, I’m not a morning person and I don’t need to wake up at 8:30 just so I can get yelled at earlier in the day. Literally nothing was more of a perception check than me complaining about my motivation issues seeing people be like “yeah that sounds like executive dysfunction” instead of just calling me lazy

I saw a YouTube video about the amount of trees in Mario kart Wii and saw a music video from the artist TOOBOE. It was quite an interesting experience because it was a dual screen MV about a girl who imagined what her life would’ve been if she wasn’t sold off to the circus. So obviously not something that can be recommended…

Sonic superstars is truly one of the sonic soundtracks because there are such beautiful tracks there and then you get jumpscared by sonic 4 synths Press factory slander is too easy, I need nack’s theme to be destroyed.

Tomodachi life is so funny because independently of my input Fire and Gold have become best friends and a friendship I’d never expect was that between Ketsuban Red and Pixiv Red. I guess the two guys who were replaced would be buddies. Miku and Leaf are also besties. A year after downloading it, I uninstalled Winamp

Winamp was fun when I actually had songs to play but I went right back to using youtube and VLC player now if i could customize VLC that'd rule

How does one categorize a journal anyways if they're trying to condense it? I made this to attempt to have everything in kind of like a normalized space but I feel like I spread out too far... lol. What did I even do in June that wasn't just brainless job hunting... lol.... uh. THE WEBSITE I'm ON? Oh yeah true...

truly weirdo energy is taking every single collage you've made in order to make THE SUPER collage (BUT I am NOT posting that thing, it looks absoultely nutty.) Pillowfort has themed days which would be nice if I ever had anything in my life to break up monotony outside of other people

I want these entries to not just be endless scrolling and complaints so I have them split by these arbritary categories

Why do I only have 2023 onwards I wasn't much of a journal keeper, I mean I have older ones but it's not really anything like the focus I put out in 2023.

Naruto filler is like job hunting because you think you’re gonna look find jobs (Sasuke) but instead you get distracted by trying to find a beetle (fix your resume) I like how some people probably did go "well, this character got some development in this arc" and it's filler. Bud they got nothing. Well filler is different in bleach because the major antagonist is Aizen and he left to another dimension so they could have the bounts but they need to connect .

Maybe I'll extend this to July 4th but by internet I am stretching out that one GB for its life no matter what and it's driving me crazy knowing that pokemon reigon headcanon map is taking up a good percentage I learned that you can edit with Notepad++ so now I'm going to be even more annoying by writing without logging in which was limiting me to randomly jumping in the middle in the night to go in because a 9 to 10 job hunt/ online class studies is killing me lol. I keep the bar of expectations in my life very low so that I can be pleasantly surprised when something good happens.

Listened to: SATELLITE LOVERS - SONS OF 1973 (Full Album, 1996) Mittens House and Disco Mix

New Friday Update: FGO Somehow Returns

If you got past part 1 you’d legitimately get an incredible story vs “but I like seeing the spinny gacha though” and that’s to my detriment because I get too busy looking at spinny gacha instead of using my actual units

You know what? I’ll be F2P all the way through Limited summons. I want to see how far I can go without impulsively summoning.

Friend banners on the menu though. My freebie 4 star is Valkyrie and she's kinda neat looking but I'm not sure if I should use my special ascension on her just because she's my only big number so far

F2P BTW rules: No SQ Summons (Tickets are fine) Friend Point Summons primarily Reliance on events the 4 Star freebie is A Okay to Use Clear Out the extra quests on the map I really don't need any fancy guys because there's plenty of people I can friend request who do have special fancy guys (totally not mad about my gacha luck)

So saber's (the saber) stance changes depending on card drawing or not so she really got that animation money put onto her. I'll probably finish singularity F and start chipping away at quests since I happened to join during the anniversary. Okay as I'm editing I might need to make like yearly journals instead of just a single one because editing this the longer I go on is going to probably suck major grass.

Posts from 2021 were me in my toxic college era complaining about nintendo and pokemon DLC practices and smash roster predictions.
Highlight Quotes: a lightbulb just went off in my head about the dumbest thing possible: Pokémon is the Sonic of nintendo. moving on to my next subject: "why the animal crossing community is more wildly violent then you'd ever expect (the sanrio effect)"
I'm not posting any of that trash.

The Goal list got moved to it's own post. Goal List